Why do you question my feelings?
by AbbyGibbs
Summary: William is confused by the dream he's had when he was sleeping and when he had felt a hand on his shoulder and turned it had been Julia. What if Murdoch had decide to talk to Julia to see why she's pushed him away? William/Julia
1. Chapter 1

_**Murdoch Mysteries**_

_**Why do you question my feelings?**_

Title: Why do you question my feelings?

Author: AbbyGibbs

Disclaimers: Well, I do not own them. Everything belongs to the creators of Murdoch Mysteries and to Maureen Jennings who created the characters in the first place. I'm just borrowing William Murdoch and the others for the time of a story.

Classification: hurt/comfort/romance

Pairing: William/Julia.

Rating: T that can change into M at some point (as always to be on the safe side, isn't it?)

Spoilers: none. Though, this has been inspired by episode 9 of Season 2 "Convalescence"

Summary: William is confused by the dream he's had when he was sleeping and when he had felt a hand on his shoulder and turned it had been Julia. What if Murdoch had decide to talk to Julia to see why she's pushed him away?

Author's note: I have to admit, I'm a probie for this show, but I really love it and I just love the interaction between William and Julia and in my opinion they could easily becoming a great couple even though now have her with Garland (yikes) what a waist. But thank goodness he isn't in my story. I can't explain why but there is something with Darcy Garland that is bothering me other than the fact that Julia like him. It's my first fic for this fandom.

Thanks to Laci for being such a great friend and my beta. Sorry that you have to read this in the beginning, I know you don't like that, but that's how it happened in the episode and I needed for this story.

Thanks also to Yannick Bisson, Hélène Joy and all the other actors for giving life to the characters.

Feedbacks: well, I'd love them, of course – who wouldn't? But please, only if you respect my work because it takes a lot of time and energy to get a story together. I love writing; I wouldn't allow anyone to discourage me from doing so, never. I don't have any problems at all with readers who choose not to go for this, but I decidedly do with those who write disrespectful mails just because they didn't get the ending they would have wanted. If you want to tell me what I might have done better within the story I made up, you're always very welcome to let me know. But if your only concern is to rant about it, then please, do it in private, okay? Thank you.

But those who like it drop a review, please!

_**Chapter one**_

_"Why can't we always be like this?"_

_"Because we want different things. You want children, you want a family." _

_"I only want you." _

_"That's not true, William, and you know it."_

_"All I know is that I've never loved anyone like I do you."_

_"You never love the same way twice, but you will love again. Love is like gravity, William; you have to let yourself fall."_

Since he'd had that dream, Detective William Murdoch couldn't stop his mind from thinking about it. Why had he had such a dream? Sure, one explanation could have been the drugs Miss Burgess had put in his food. William knew that was the easily found excuse. There was more to it, but he wasn't sure he was ready to handle the truth behind the dream and that was exactly what was troubling him.

_Was he telling the truth to Julia in the dream? Did he only want her? Or was she right and did he actually want more? Was he subconsciously looking to fall in love with another woman, a woman that would want children because he wanted some?_ Murdoch didn't know. Since Lisa's death, Julia Ogden had been the first woman he had allowed himself to get closer to. And then they had finally given in to their feelings. And he felt really happy as if he was living again.

He had loved when Julia had surprised him in his office just to kiss him, and to hand him the bullet extractor she had bought for him. Higgins had opened the door and caught them kissing. He had to cough to let them know he was there. Constable Higgins couldn't help the smile that had appeared on his face then, they had both been so cute has he had caught them red-handed.

He told them a body had been found. Lillie Dun, poor woman, had bled out.

Dun was expecting her boss's baby, Mr. Bixby, and of course he didn't want to anything to do with it. He had made it clear to her and had told her to take care of it. Lillie had felt so helpless and sad, that she thought they only way she had to take care of it was to ask a doctor to abort the child she was carrying. If they had to believe the victim's mother Lillie couldn't have afford it. She was hoping to find someone who would help her anyway.

As Lillie couldn't find anyone to help her, she took the matter in her own hands, she had heard about some oil that, could help and took just a tiny bit of it, but the results of it were catastrophic. Lillie Dun bled to death.

Not a case Murdoch liked to be reminded of, he and Julia kind of ended their relationship after it. Dr. Ogden thinking he wasn't honest with himself when he said that what matter the most for him was them to be together. At least that's what she had understood out of their conversation. It's not because you're not agreeing with a person that you have to break up with that person. These particular memories had a tendency to resurface on a regular basis.

William was starting to think that the problem wasn't him.

Julia was the one having a problem with what she had done, all these years ago, the fact that she had chosen to end her pregnancy to be able to go to medical school was definitely not an easy choice to make, but now, she had to live with the consequences, deal with the emotional part of it. Murdoch knew that was something she would never admit it to anyone.

That Dr. Isaac Tach had saved Julia's life back then didn't erase the fact that in the eyes of the law the man was a criminal, regardless of what William could or could not understand the man's motives. Or the fact that he was grateful for saving Julia Ogden's life. All that didn't change the fact that in the eyes of the law Isaac Tach was a criminal and Murdoch was a policeman. Why was it so difficult for her to understand that?

It was as if she thought that his opinion of her had changed or that he loved her less because of what she had done, but that was far from being the truth.

He loved her for who she was, and was determined to make her understand that, all he needed was for her to give him a chance.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer and information see part one.**_

_**Thanks to everyone who reviewed.**_

_**Previously on "Why do you question my feelings?"**_

_It was as if she thought that his opinion of her had changed or that he loved her less because of what she had done, but that was far from being the truth._

_He loved her for who she was, and was determined to make her understand that, all he needed was for her to give him a chance_

_**Chapter two**_

Dr. Julia Ogden was cleaning up and storing things. The autopsy of Mr. Thomason was finished and he had been released for burial. The poor man died from massive internal bleeding caused by an accidental fall.

As she was tiding things up on shelves, flashes of moments William and she had shared together pictured in her mind. She missed him, missed being able to kiss him, being intimate with him, they hadn't slept together, but there was more than one kind of intimacy liked the way they used to look at each other, their long discussions, she missed his explanations on some subjects, she missed his enthusiasm when he was fascinated by something. William Murdoch was a special man, he was handsome, sweet, and so smart. He was also stubborn and, to him, justice was everything, no matter what he had to do to catch a criminal, Detective William Murdoch would do it.

At times, it was a part of Murdoch's personality she hated, while at others, she loved it because it was part of what made him who he was. Julia would never have thought that one day she would miss a man the way she missed William.

_Why were relationships between men and women so complicated, why couldn't things just be easy for once?_

Julia closed her eyes and once more, like it had been the case since they'd split up, William appeared in her mind. She saw the two of them laughing, and William approach her, and with a soft smile, he placed his lips tenderly on hers and she lost herself in the fantasy. She didn't hear that someone was calling her name. The person repeated her name again, but got no reaction.

"Dr. Ogden?" A familiar voice called her softly.

The legist didn't react immediately thinking that someone was calling her in her day dream.

"Julia?"

She opened her eyes slowly as she felt a hand on her shoulder, Julia looked dazzled over at the person calling out her name.

"William!" She said startled to see the man of her thoughts standing in front of her.

"Julia, are you alright?" The detective asked with a slight worry audible in his voice.

"Yes... Yes..." Dr. Ogden replied a little too fast.

No really satisfied by her answer, William Murdoch looked at the woman facing him, very carefully, almost scrutinizing her.

"Detective, you are making me feel very uncomfortable," Julia told him as she lowered her eyes to look down at the floor.

Murdoch fidgeted with his hat, he was holding in his hands since he had entered the morgue.

"I'm sorry Julia, it's just that..." William looked at his hands before he looked at her again searching her eyes. "I feel like you are not telling me the truth."

Julia Ogden's eyes widened in surprise at his words. "And what exactly makes you think that, Detective Murdoch?"

Murdoch slightly winced at her reaction. "I am not insinuating you're lying, Dr. Ogden, I'm just thinking that you're not telling me everything. Your answer was very quick, that's why I think that you're withdrawing things..."

_What I'm holding back, William, is that I miss you so much it hurts, and each time, I see you all I want to do is kiss you,_ Julia thought.

"No, I'm not holding anything back from you."

"I would like to talk to you about a personal matter..." William Murdoch started slowly.

The pathologist's eyes saddened as she asked him "Shouldn't you discuss that with Enid Jones?"

"That is precisely the matter I wanted to talk to you about..." He answered her, looking straight in her eyes which surprised her because normally he would have looked somewhere, anywhere actually but her blue eyes.

Dr. Julia Ogden felt her heartbeat go faster.

Moving slightly closer to him, her eyes went from his eyes to his mouth and back to his eyes again, before throwing her arm around his neck and kissed him passionately, her fingers tangled in his short, very well cut, hair. William's hands slid around her waist and pulled her closer to him to deepen the kiss, making the doctor moan softly.

"Julia?"

"Hmmm?"

"I was asking you if you would care to take a walk with me so we could talk." William told her.

Ogden looked at him a few seconds then tilted her head to the left a little and smiled as she answered. "Why not, let me just get rid of my apron and put on my hat and I'm all yours. I... I mean and then we can go." Julia said, looking elsewhere.

The last piece of sentence Julia said before correcting herself hastily hadn't fall into deaf ears, and he couldn't help the small, discreet smile that appeared on his lips.

**000**

Walking together in silence for a moment, William and Julia looked around them, taking in the colorful landscape that, fall offered, when they both suddenly stopped as one.

"Well, I guess we'll sit here then." William said.

"Yes it seems like we will" She retorted.

Murdoch then seemed to fish for something out of some sort of saddlebag that Julia hadn't noticed he carried with him as they went for the walk. William opened the bag and pulled a blanket out of it. She looked at him amazed and surprised.

"You never cease to surprise me, detective."

"Be prepared for every eventuality." He smirked.

Julia frowned at his words. "Are you telling me, you thought everything through?"

"No, I just hoped you'd accept to talk with me, and I thought that in case you would, it would be nice to sit on a blanket laid on colorful leafs rather than on a hard wood bench."

The pathologist couldn't help but smile at his thoughtful gesture. Once the blanket was placed, William reached out his hand; she placed hers in his delicately and he helped her sit as comfortable as possible before sitting opposite her.

They sat there in silence facing one another for a long moment. The silence started to stretch and it started to make the doctor feel uneasy so she took a deep breath and then asked.

"What was it you wanted to tell me about Mrs. Jones, Enid I thought her name was, right?"

William didn't answe immediately, as he seemed hypnotized by Julia's beautiful figure. All he wanted to do was pull her close to him and ravage her with kisses. He missed her so damn much.

"William?"

"Humm?"

"What was it you wanted to tell me about Mrs. Jones?"

"Oh, yes, Enid... Mrs. Jones and I aren't seeing one another anymore."

"Oh." Was all Julia could say as she was surprised by the news and though she wouldn't have admitted, not even to herself, the news of William and Enid's break up made her heart very happy.

"I couldn't stay with her it wouldn't have been fair to her or to her son, Alwin." Murdoch said looking down at his index finger that was absently making circles on the blanket. He paused then and added raising his brown eyes to look straight into her blue ones. "Not when my heart belongs to someone else..."

Julia felt her heart skip a beat with hope. Her heart swelling up with joy. But she did her best to hide the happiness she felt inside as she asked.

"And who's the person your heart belongs to, detective?" She wondered, her eyes shining.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer and information see part one.**_

_**Thanks to everyone who reviewed.**_

_**Previously on "Why do you question my feelings?"**_

_Julia felt her heart skip a beat with hope. Her heart swelling up with joy. But she did her best to hide the happiness she felt inside as she asked._

_"And who's the person your heart belongs to, detective?" She wondered, her eyes shining._

_**Chapter three**_

_William was about to answer her question. He was all very serious, but seeing her like this made him smile; she was so damn beautiful when she looked at him the way she did right now. Murdoch loved the sparkle in her eyes, and swore to himself that he would do everything in his power to keep it in her eyes forever._

But first he needed some clarification on a few things. William knew it wasn't going to be easy, but if there was the slightest hope that they would get back together, they needed to push some issues through. He just hoped that she wouldn't end up hating him forever.

Taking a deep breath, William Murdoch looked straight into her eyes as he said: "I think you know full well who my heart belongs to, Doctor."

Julia Ogden's eyes filled up with tears. "Oh, William..." she started in a broken voice, She was about to throw herself in his arms, but he held up his hands.

She looked at him confused and he went on to explain why he did just that. "My heart will always be yours, Julia, no matter what happens. I realized that when I kept company with Mrs. Jones – Enid – I thought, I was over you, but the truth is, I couldn't. I couldn't stop thinking about you, and all I longed to do was kiss you. Hold you, talk to you. So much so that my mind played tricks on me..." He paused for a moment to take a breath.

"... Tricks on you, like we would be talking to each other, and suddenly out of nowhere we imagine kissing each other as if we were having a life in our heads" She finished for him and smiled.

William looked at her surprised and stunned that she was apparently experiencing the same things that he was...

"You... you mean... you have those fantasy flashes too?" He asked her, still a bit stunned by the knowledge.

Julia sat facing him completely mesmerized by his brown eyes that she had missed for so long. Seeing each other for work was so completely different than when you actually spent time with the person outside of work.. At work you had to restrain yourself - all you could do was show you cared by a small gesture a brush of the fingers or things like that, but that was it. The same thing happened when you're in a public place, although then you had a little more liberty.

The best place to show someone how much you love them is at home, especially when you seek some body warmth. Julia realized then that she wanted nothing more than to kiss him and tell him how much he meant to her, but she sensed that it would have to wait. She was starting to know William Henry Murdoch, and right now, it seemed to her, he was troubled by something.

"Yeah, I do, and I'm glad no one other than myself can be in my head, they'd be scandalized. Some of those fantasies are pretty intense," the doctor confessed, blushing.

Murdoch smiled, but his eyes were still sad and it made Julia's heart ache so she decided to ask him frankly what was wrong.

William looked at the blanket for a second and then looked at Doctor Ogden again. The detective took a deep breath as he reached out for her hands before saying "Julia, first of all, I want you to know that you mean everything to me. I don't want to reopen old wounds, but I need to know... I need to know why you pushed me away after the Lillie Dunn case."

"I didn't pu..." Julia started.

William squeezed her hand a little and Julia sighed heavily. There was no use to deny it and if they wanted to be in a relationship it was better for her to tell the truth nothing good could come out something that's based on a lie. Julia looked at their joined hands, they seemed to fit so well together and this simple gesture made her insides warm up.

Sighing once more, she closed her eyes as a wave of mixed emotions washed over her. As she open her beautiful blue eyes again, they were brimming with unshed tears and for a fraction of seconds, she felt angriness toward William for forcing her to bring it all up again, but the sentiment vanished as quickly as it came.

A fresh start.

Murdoch saw the pain and sadness in the beautiful woman's eyes that was sitting in front of him and instantly hated himself. Seeing the emotions play in his eyes as well, Julia knew instantly that it hurt him as much as it did her. A small smile caressed her lips as she placed her other hand atop of his.

"The reason, I pushed you away, William, is easy. And at that moment I was convince that pushing you away as the best thing to do, now however... "

Julia reached out and caressed his cheek, he leaned into her touch and closed his eyes, relishing the feeling of her fingers on his skin. He had missed this so much. A moment later, William Murdoch opened his eyes again and was met by her blue ones, and he smiled, his smiled vanished rapidly when he caught sight of the tear rolling down her cheek. Immediately his hand joined hers on his cheek. While he brushed the tear away with the thumb of his other.

"The reason why I've pushed you away is because I can't have children anymore, William. After I got the abortion too much damage had been done, which..." She paused as the emotion in her voice made it crack with sorrow."

William felt his heart tighten in pain for her. His eyes watered and as she saw this, Doctor Ogden thought first that Murdoch's grief was because it meant they wouldn't be able to have children together, but then she realized there was another emotion shining in his eyes, anger.

A wave of sheer panic took over Julia as the man she loved withdraw the hand he had place above hers on his cheek, she felt his other hand move away from hers, but it found another place in the small of her back. while the other placed itself on her hip and he slowly pulled her toward him. As he held her close, Julia couldn't hold back her tears anymore and she cried against his chest as he murmured "Sssh, Julia, it's over, I'm here. It's gonna be okay now."

Timid rays of sun light appeared through the gray clouds just then, William looked up and a smile appeared on his lips and he suddenly felt much calmer inside.

_This is God or Mother Nature's way of telling me everything is going to get better... _he thought to himself.

Her respiration and sobs subsided after a while, and he heard her speak then.

"I wish I hadn't been so foolish and stupid." She said in a still broken voice.

"You were neither stupid nor foolish. You were in love..." William told her.

"I should have been more careful. For someone who was about to enter medical school you would think I would have been smarter."

The detective didn't say a word he just listened.

"If it hadn't been for Isaac, I wouldn't be here, anymore. The man who performed the abortion was a real butcher in the way he did his work. I never thought, I'd ever regret the decision I made, but then..." Julia paused for a minute, as she tightened her arms a little more around him.

William however, pulled back a little, just enough so he would be able to look at her. "I'll be forever thankful to Dr. Tach for saving your life, Julia." He said leaning in closer again to place a kiss on the top of her hair.

"Me too, William. I thought I would never regret the fact that I couldn't have children. Honestly I didn't want to have any because I was too independent back then, but that was until I met..." her voice trailed off a little bit.

"Until what?" William asked her softly.

Now it was Dr. Ogden's turn to pull back to look at him through watery eyes and she murmured. "Until I met... you."

TBC...

4


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer and information see part one.**_

_**A/N: I'm so sorry it took me such a long time to update and to be honest I even thought that I wouldn't be able to anymore. My muse for this story had completely disappeared up until recently when I started to re-watch the show. Old episodes up until season 6 and for sure there she was back again. I which to apologize to you all who keep following this story, and thank those who never gave up on me and still keep believe in me.**_

_**Since the death of my grandmother almost four months ago nothing's the same anymore and for some reason though I have the impression she's the one who pushes me to write and finish the stories I'm started, to keep the promise I made to her one day.**_

_**Thanks to everyone who reviewed.**_

_**Previously on "Why do you question my feelings?"**_

_"Me too, William. I thought I would never regret the fact that I couldn't have children. Honestly I didn't want to have any because I was too independent back then, but that was until I met..." her voice trailed off a little bit._

_"Until what?" William asked her softly._

_Now it was Dr. Ogden's turn to pull back to look at him through watery eyes and she murmured. "Until I met... you."_

_**Chapter four**_

Murdoch's heart skipped a bit at her words. She wanted children with him. Doctor Julia Ogden wanted children with him. He could hardly believe it, but she did. He smiled down at her his eyes shining with happiness as he captured her lips with his. William felt her tentatively respond, as if she suddenly felt ashamed. He slowly broke the kiss and pulled back once again to look at her.

"What is it, Julia?"

"I can't have children anymore, William. I know that's what you want."

Murdoch brushed his lips against hers, before he looked at her and said, "Yes, I want children, Julia, and indeed I want a family, but what I want above all else is to be with the woman I love and that woman happen to be you."

A soft gasp of surprise could heard at his words.

"I wanted to tell you so when you told me about what doctor Tach has done, but you didn't allow me the opportunity to do so, Dr. Ogden. You took the decision to break up our relationship without leaving time to say anything back then. I admit, that abortion is against all I believe in, Julia. There is no excuse for it in my eyes, but I honestly think that my love for you is stronger than anything else. And if there were other possibilities, you were young and didn't see any. I'm trying to understand that, but it doesn't change any of my feelings for you, Julia and it never has. "

"Oh William..." she murmured. She should have assume that she knew what he was thinking or how he was feeling.

Realization drew in then that maybe all the hurt they had been feeling was because they didn't take the time to talk together enough. She had made a mess of everything, hadn't she? How could she repair the damages now? She wondered.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assume anything, William. Will you forgive me?"

He smiled softly at her words.

"We are here together, aren't we, Dr. Ogden?"Murdoch told her as he leaned in to press his forehead against hers. Content to be just we her in such a nice surrounding.

Mother Nature's colors were beautiful, golden, rust and a lots of others, he love the season though it was also a season of sadness for a lots of people. A friend of his had lost his wife last year in November, it had devastated his friend he and his wife were very much in love. Now the man was alone with a young child.

Sometimes life could be very cruel. But it could also be very joyful. Like it was for him now with Julia in his arms again. It felt so good to be with someone again. After Lisa, William Murdoch had thought, his was over. He would never able to get over her, what they'd had together had been so special, but then he'd met Julia for him it was as God was giving another chance.

His relationship with Julia Ogden was a little more complicated that the one he'd had with Lisa, but it was so worth every moment of it. It was interesting, she's a bright personality interested in so many things, just like he was.

A witty woman that was exactly what his Julia was. And detective William realized then that he wouldn't trade her for the world, he just loved her the way she was. Nothing more and nothing less.

At times, he wondered what he had done to deserve her. Whatever it was it must have been something good. He was happy to have her into his life.

"William?"

"Hmmm..."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, Julia."

She's smiled at him through her still watery eyes. "What were you thinking about?"

"About the fact that I must have something somewhere in my life because I met you."

The blond woman he was holding in his arms beamed with happiness. "You've done so much good, William, helped so much people already."

Her hand came up the caress his cheeks before slowly letting that same hand travel behind his neck to finally pull him toward her for a kiss. The response was immediate as he closed his eyes, their kiss was tender and slow before they let go of each other's lips only to fuse together again a moment later. That kiss was a little more passionate, but they let go of one another's mouth quite easily before kissing again but this time, their exchange was way more passionate, Murdoch's fevered kiss even surprised Julia. She'd never really thought he had it in him. She was delighted to find out that she had been wrong all this time.

When they broke lip contact in much need of air, they both breath heavily. If he could kiss like that, Julia wondered what it would be like when they would make love to each other and to be honest she couldn't wait to find out, but Julia knew she would have to wait because the man she was in love with was a principle and religion.

They weren't going to be that kind of intimate before they were married.

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer and information see part one.**_

_**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and for sticking to this story.**_

_**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, your kind words went right to my heart. Special thanks to Reseda and Sandrine K. I appreciate the fact that you still read the story. And I sincerely hope you will keep enjoying it.**_

_**Previously on "Why do you question my feelings?"**_

_When they broke lip contact in much need of air, they both breath heavily. If he could kiss like that, Julia wondered what it would be like when they would make love to each other and to be honest she couldn't wait to find out, but Julia knew she would have to wait because the man she was in love with was a principle and religion. _

_They weren't going to be that kind of intimate before they were married._

_**Chapter five**_

"You keep your cards really well hidden, Mr. Murdoch." She said in a mischievous tone of voice.

William looked at the woman in his arms as he answered "Me hiding my cards, now Dr. Ogden why would I do such a thing?"

"How would I know? To seduce me even more, maybe?"

"Now I hadn't thought of that one yet, but this might be a very good possibility." He said as a wicked mischief shined in his eyes.

"Oh God help me, who his this man who holds me in his arms and please be so kind to tell me where Detective William Murdoch is." She laughed.

The sound of her laughter was music to the man's ears, a little bit of joy in this cruel world. The detective had no intention to let her slip away from him again, he realized that he loved her too much for letting that happen again.

Julia was so deliriously happy to be with William again that she wondered how she had ever thought that being without him would be better for the both of them. He life had had no purpose when they'd been parted. She kiss him once again before asking him if he wanted to come and drink some tea at her house. Murdoch faint to think about it which earned him a light slap on the arm from Julia.

"Ouch!" The man said as he couldn't help but smile. I knew I'd forgotten something when I took the blanket."

At his words, she laughed even more. Julia felt foolish, how could she have thought one minute she would be able to live without a man like William Murdoch, he was the one her heart was beaten faster, he was the one who make her smile, he was also the one who could hurt her must, but she knew it was because she loved him. And yet all the time they'd been apart vanished quickly from her memory as all she wanted to remember was here and now. The good moments of her life, the moments she spent with William.

Julia Ogden tried to slowly free himself from his arms, but couldn't. She looked in his brown eyes then and tilted her head and smiled. "William if you don't let me go. We will never go home and drink that tea.

"I know. " He answered her.

"Are you declining my offer then?" She wondered a bit disappointed.

"No."

"Well let me get up then."

"No." He answered her again.

"William?"

"I just don't want to let you go. I want to hold you in my arms forever."

"I wish I could stay in your arms like this forever as well, William."

They kiss once more before finally getting up, Julia picket up the blanket and folded neatly before handing it back to Murdoch who put it back in the bag he had brought with him. He was happy that they had been managed to talk and that things seemed to be back to normal between them again, though it wasn't claiming victory yet.

Things had be too tense between them for too long to be at ease already.

**000**

When they entered Julia's house, Linney greeted them, very pleased to see that Detective Murdoch.

"Good to see you again, Detective."

"Likewise, Linney." He replied as he handed her his hat.

Dr. Ogden pulled out hatpins of her hat and handed her colorful hat to Linney as well.

"The parlor, miss?"

"Yes, Linney, and make us some tea please."

"Of course."

They both watched the maid disappear to the kitchen waited a moment to be sure she was really gone then Julia turned to face the man she loved so much a smiled at him. He smiled back, and step a little closer to her. Slowly his arms came around her waist while hers snaked 'round his neck.

"What do we do now?" He asked her in a low voice.

Julia giggled at him as said, "Well, let's see, I think, I can come up with a thing or two, but right now, what do you think about kissing?"

William Murdoch tilted his head to the side fainting to think about it then he laughed before leaning in to capture his lips with her. She sighed happily. They kissed slowly and tenderly enjoying being in each other's arms. Julia Ogden wondered how and why she had ever question his feelings. She promised herself she would never do it again.

When Linney came back, she smiled when she saw them together and decided not to disturb them. Her mistress had been so miserable since she's separated from the detective that she wanted to let them enjoy the reunion. Julia's maid highly doubted that drinking tea was on either's mind so she carried the tray back with her in the kitchen, sure that if they wanted anything they call her.

For now the deserved some privacy.

TBC...

**Thanks for reading, and I promise you the next chapter will be longer and have a little more action in it.**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer and information see part one.**_

_**A/N: Well, when I started this story, I didn't think it would be that long, and I honestly thought it wouldn't take so much time to write it, I didn't count on my muse leaving me for such a long time and I definitely didn't think that life would be so cruel on my in the meantime. Like I have told you previously I lost my grandmother and that's had for a effect to block my writing completely at first until recently. Thank goodness for being able to put words that form a story again. Sure most of the time, I would want it to go faster, but I'm way too happy to do it again.**_

_**I love to put my favorite characters in situations and imagining things for them to do, though sometimes I have so much ideas that I don't really know what to do and how much to put in a story, but I think, it could be worse, like not having ideas at all.**_

_**The next chapters could have William act out of character, but it's for the story purpose so please be comprehensive as you have been warned of the fact. Thank you.**_

_**Thanks to anyone who reviewed. **_

_**Previously on "Why do you question my feelings?"**_

_Julia's maid highly doubted that drinking tea was on either's mind so she carried the tray back with her in the kitchen, sure that if they wanted anything they call her._

_For now the deserved some privacy._

**Chapter six**

Julia broke their kissing after a moment wondering why Linney hadn't brought their tea and she told so to William. "Oh interesting, you think of tea while kissing me. I'm not sure if I should be offended or not." The man wondered.

As a response to his words, she giggled. "You poor baby." And the blond haired woman he was holding by the waist reached out to caress his cheek.

"Shall we ask, Linney to bring us some tea, once again" Murdoch asked the lady in his arms.

Julia nodded her head affirmatively before adding. "That is as you have no intention of kissing me in the next five minutes. Otherwise, I'm not exactly sure that I will manage to remember how to drink the beverage she'll be bring us."

William lifted a brow wondering about the meaning of her words. Why wouldn't she be able to drink her tea? As she watched him, she couldn't help but laughed when she realized that he was wondering why she wouldn't be able to drink.

"Detective William Murdoch you are such an incredible smart and intelligent man, but when it comes to feelings you're as clueless as a baby."

He looked at her confused.

She giggled and explained: "I wouldn't be sure if I would still remember how to drink because when you kiss me, I forget everything, the world surrounding us. All I remember then is how good it feels to be in your arms."

A smile lit up his face, he was so handsome when he smiled. She would do everything in her power for it to appear often on his lips. Neither of them had an easy job, they often saw the darker side of people when they were call in on a murder scene and sometimes, she wished she could do something else because even though, she loved her work, but more often than not lately she was pondering the pros and cons to look for something else to do. A work with the living instead of constantly being surrounded by death.

Doing autopsies and being able to help solve crimes gave her some satisfaction, but all she brought to relatives of a victims was some peace of mind, nothing more, she couldn't bring happiness in their lives or help them more like she wish she could. Julia wasn't sure of what she wanted to do, but she was definitely going to talk to William about it. She made a promise to herself to try and not take decisions that could and would affect them both on her own anymore.

"If that's the case, I will be kissing very often young, lady." William told her fainting to lean toward her to do just so.

"William!" She laughed.

"You taste much better than tea."

She had to admit she loved this particular side of him, she was discovering he was much more relaxed and open, though she knew they were things he wouldn't do even when they were only together, she was already thankful for what he was willing to give her.

"Sad you can't take a few days off." Julia said.

She receive no answer to her words, though something seemed to shine his eyes at her words. As she eyed him a little longer she wondered what he had in mind. Then she heard him tell her "Would you excuse me for a minute?"

Julia frowned and gazed at him questioningly, and all he did was smile as he exited the parlor living a wondering Dr. Ogden behind him. He was definitely up to something the question was what? She decided to go in search of Linney to ask her to set some tea. As Julia walked out of the parlor she heard the front door open and close.

"William?"

No response. She looked around for a minute. No, he was nowhere to be seen. Surprised Julia wondered why and where detective William Murdoch went. She knew he left because his hat wasn't there anymore. She found her maid in the kitchen, backing. Julia came to stand next to her, smiling.

"The kitchen smells heavenly." Were the first words she said to Linney. The maid returned the smile and agreed. "Yes, it does."

"Apple cake?"

"Yes."

"Have you seen detective Murdoch before he left?" Julia asked.

Linney shook her head negatively. "No, ma'am, I haven't seen him leave. I'm sure he'll be back, soon."

"Yeah me too," Julia, answered, smiling.

In reality she wasn't feeling happy at all, it wasn't like him to disappear without saying where he was going. Sure he had a mischievous look in his eyes when he left, but still she could help but worry a bit. A childish and stupid reaction, she knew, they were back together, they were doing well together now, but still she wasn't one hundred percent sure she had still a strange feeling as if they weren't off the hook, just yet.

"Are you alright?" Linney asked when she saw the concerned on her mistress' face.

"Hmmm? Yes, I'm fine." Julia said absently as she exited the kitchen.

As she was about to walked to the window to see if he wasn't coming back she heard the doorbell, her heartbeat quickened. "It's alright, Linney, I'll open the door."

"Very well." She told Julia before heading back to the kitchen and busy herself, with the cake and other sweets she had planned on backing today.

When she reached for the doorknob, her heartbeat sped up even more, and when she opened the door she released the breath she didn't realized she was holding.

"William!" She said before throwing her arms around his neck.

Murdoch was a little surprised and taken aback by her reaction and it took a few moments pull himself together, but when he did he let his arms snake around her slender frame, he closed his eyes and held her against him.

After a moment he pulled back just enough to be able to look at her face.

"Julia what is going on?"

"Oh, it's nothing, just... it's nothing..."

"Julia?"

"I just thought... I thought you left that you had changed your mind that you weren't coming back."

"Oh, Jules, why wouldn't I come back to the woman I love more than anything else in the world?"

She smiled and leaned in, and laughed slightly at how foolish she'd been. Then something in her eyes changed making them shining even more. "You called me, Jules."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't..." His sentence was stopped by her index finger on his lips. "Sshh, William. It's okay, I love when say it, much better that when Ruby calls me so. William kissed her finger and smiled at her.

"I have some great news."

"You have?"

"You mentioned something about taking a few days of earlier, didn't you?"

Her face lit up the moment her mind put the pieces together. "You didn't?" She asked him excited.

Murdoch nodded his head affirmatively.

He had taken it as a challenge, but he was happy that he had asked Thomas Brakenreid some days off. The man hadn't been pretty surprised when his best detective had asked him for some time off, but he had been really happy to give it to him. As he looked in Julia's eyes he knew he had done the right thing. They would finally be able to spend sometime time alone without anyone interrupting them. Was that even possible?

To be honest he didn't really cared if they were going to stay in Toronto of if they were going elsewhere what matter was that he was with her. As Linney arrived with a tray of tea she was pleased to see that Murdoch at returned. She served them the tea before heading back to the kitchen for a few moments then she reappeared with another tray, but on this one were a few slices of Apple cake she had been backing earlier. The house smelled heavenly William suddenly realized. He closed his eyes for a moment to take in the warm smell of fresh baked cake or any other sweets. Miss Kitchen was a lovely lady but baking wasn't really her strongest quality.

"William? Is everything alright?"

"Yes. I was just enjoying the smell that lingers in the house, since Linney is baking."

At his words, the woman sitting close to him just smiled and took a slice of cake. She brought it to her mouth, holding in one hand while she held her other hand palm up under it to prevent crumbs from falling on the carpet. William couldn't help but observe her as she ate, the slice of cake. She seemed to really enjoy it.

As she looked over at him, she wondered why he was watching her, the way he did. When he realized he was actually beginning to stare at her, his eyes looked down and that made Dr. Ogden smile. Detective William Murdoch will never change. She thought.

But then revised her judgment when she thought about the fact that he had gone to see the chief inspector to get some time off so he could spend more time with her — that was already a change — she would never have thought that the detective would have been able to achieve such a thing. And yet he did.

"Why were you looking at me like that?"

William's head lift up as he told her. "Because I love you."

"I love you too," she replied.

Julia finished her slice of cake and reach for the cup of tea Linney at set on the table before her. "What do you want us to do for the next couple of days?"

He looked her in the eyes for a moment before lowering them as if he was ashamed of his next words. "I thought, we could go a few days away, together."

"What a wonderful idea! Where would we be going?"

"It's up to you, Julia."

She thought for a minute then said. "Why not go to, Bristol, England?"

"That could be an interesting voyage," Murdoch said. "Bristol it is, then." as he reach for a slice of cake.

The cake delicious, Linney was a real talent in baking, the detective thought.

This trip to English was going to be very interesting. And it was definitely going to be a good one, a fantastic one because Julia was going to be with him. What more could ask for? Nothing. Well maybe something... But right now that wasn't his priority. One day maybe.

After all no one knows what tomorrow is made of...

TBC...

**Thanks for reading this chapter, I hope you've enjoyed it a little.**

_Will this trip to Bristol, England be uneventful as Murdoch hopes or will life throw something at them again?_

_Stay tuned to find out the answer._


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer and information see part one.**_

_**A/N: so here we are then starting another chapter of "Why do you question my feelings?" I still can't believe my muse came back for this specific story, but she did and she helps me to continue it. Don't forget the time line for the story is somewhere in season two, and it's not a coincidence I have chosen for them to go to Bristol, England like **_**Laetitia I**,** picked it up, so remember that the events that take place during "The Murdoch Intensity" haven't happened. Hotel "The two feathers" isn't real it's just something I came up with.**

**John, Georgina and Johanna Wellington are mine. Christian Atherton is mine as well, I felt the need to create some characters of my own for the story and for the fun of writing. I hope you will like my idea.**

_**Thanks to anyone who reviewed and for your support it means lots to me. **_

_**Previously on "Why do you question my feelings?"**_

_This trip to England was going to be very interesting. And it was definitely going to be a good one, a fantastic one because Julia was going to be with him. What more could ask for? Nothing… Well maybe something... But right now that wasn't his priority. One day… maybe._

_After all no one knows what tomorrow is made of..._

**Chapter seven**

Julia and William were happy to be together. No dead ones, no case to be solved, just the two of them. No one knew them, here in Bristol. When they came off of the train, William took a deep breath. He felt nervous for a reason. Maybe because he would finally be able to be with Julia Ogden the way he wanted, well not physically of course for that they would have to wait to be married, but they would be together anyway. They were able to hold each other's hand, even kissing one another if they wanted.

And that is exactly what they did, holding hands when they entered the hotel "The two Feathers" The inside of the hotel was beautiful arranged. The young woman at the reception smiled at them. The moment Murdoch's eyes met the woman's, he froze. A flashed, like he often had when he was replaying a crime scene went through his mind. He saw himself, hiding in a pub, he didn't know why though, and the very same blond, blue eyed woman's the owner of the pub.

"Good afternoon." The words of the hotel's owner brought William back to reality.

"Hmmm?" William moaned absently.

Julia looked at him and frowned. "William, are you alright?" Julia asked him when she realized he was started.

"What? Yes, yes. I'm fine." He reassured her, and offered her his most heart melting smile in hope, Julia wouldn't ask any questions if only for a while. He wouldn't have been able to answer anyway because William didn't quite understand what was going on himself.

The only thing the detective was certain of was that he had never seen this woman before and yet, he had had a flash involving her...

"Here is your key and I'll be showing you your room in a little while. If there is anything you need during your stay my name is..."

"Anna Fulford" Murdoch finished for her.

The woman looked at him surprised, "yes. How did you know mine name?"

"I... I... don't know." He said as surprise as she was.

Julia looked at him suspiciously. "William?"

Murdoch turned toward, the woman he loved more than his own life. "Julia, I can promise you that, I've never seen this young woman before, it's the first time, I travel to Bristol."

"So how come you know her name if it's the first time you come here?"

Panic showed in his eyes, when he saw the expression on Dr. Ogden face. This was exactly what'd he'd been afraid of that she wouldn't believe him and yet, he was telling her the truth.

"He's telling you the truth, miss; I have never seen him before." Anna said.

As she said the words, Anna had a flash: she was in a pub cleaning table and rearranging some of the stuff when a man came in, the man standing in front of her, his right arm bleeding, and pleading her for help. She did hide him as he was followed by two men that were agents from London; they said they were looking for a murderer. The men looked around and left. A moment later, the man she'd been helping did come out of his hiding place. When she asked him who he was, he didn't answer. When she asked him if she'd just help a murderer, his answer was "No, I don't think so."

Not pleased with the answer, he'd given her, she headed to the door to call the men back, he explained, that he didn't know because he didn't even know his own name. As soon as his confession was out, her eyes had softened as she had decided to help him.

When the flash ended it took her a moment to refocus then she looked at the couple, Julia as she knew now the woman was called hadn't said a word yet. Anna briefly wondered if she should retreat for a moment for them to be alone as no reply came from Julia

Julia Ogden eyed the man she loved for a moment. Since she knew William Murdoch he had never lied to her, he couldn't due to his education and because of whom he was. A smile appeared on the doctor's face. "I know he speaks the truth." As she turned her attention back to the key, Miss Fulford was still holding in her hand, her eyes widened when she realized that her was only one key.

"A single key… William?" Julia asked, surprised.

Murdoch simply smirked at her. She looked at him and William could have sworn that he saw a shade of red color the cheeks of the woman he loved. Since he'd met her, the detective couldn't remember a time he'd seen her blush. The woman standing at the reception smiled knowingly. She noted their names before she told them that she would show her their room.

Anna Fulford smiled knowingly at both of them.

The couple followed her upstairs; the blond woman who owned the hotel narrated them the story of the hotel. According to her the ghosts of a couple of newlyweds still lingered in here. Christian and Johanna had married against their parents' wishes. Johanna came from a wealthy family: The Wellingtons. Everybody knew and respected them. Georgina and John Willington were well known in the higher society. They were the happy parents' of a wonderful daughter, they decided to call Johanna, and they loved her so much. She was a miracle. The doctors had told Georgina she couldn't become a mother. The poor woman had been devastated by the news.

Thanks to their love the couple had managed to get over it. John assured Georgina that they would become parents' one way of another even if it meant for them to adopt. The very knowledge that one day she would become a mother made Georgina Wellington feel better because she knew that her husband would keep his promise, he always did.

Georgina and John tried to make the best of it, loving each other, showing each other how much they love one another in the bedroom. During the day, John informed himself as how he and his beloved wife could adopt a child. He was even willing to adopt and abandoned child. In the beginning though, he didn't get any positive answer and his name didn't help much either which was something he couldn't easily accept when he knew he had the money and the love necessary to give a child a good life and education.

John didn't tell that to his wife, Georgina when he came home at night of course. She would have been devastated if she'd known how things really were. Instead he told that he didn't know anything yet. It broke her heart, but Georgina didn't a word to her husband about how it made her feel. Instead was she did was take him into her arms telling him it was okay that things would work out sooner or later, she was convinced they would.

And work out they did. John's wife started to get heal in the mornings. It worried him, but she told him she was fine that it would pass a little bit before the afternoon would start and it did indeed. By then she could eat again without feeling sick,. John trusted her and decided to let things be. One morning she waited for him to be gone to go to the doctor, and shocked her when he told her, she was expecting a child. Unable to believe him she started to cry telling her doctor that what he said couldn't be true. He had told her himself a few years back she couldn't become a mother and now he was telling her the very opposite.

She and John would become parents'. Her physician told her, he either made a mistake the first time — he was doctor, but also was a human — and human beings sometimes made mistakes. Georgina asked the man if he was really sure and when he nodded his head affirmatively, she couldn't help herself and jumped up the hug the physician tightly.

She thanked him and before she left she told him, he had made her the happiest woman of the world. When she closed the door behind her, the doctor when back in his chair behind his desk and smiled. He was very happy for her as well. Georgina and John Wellington would become wonderful parents'.

As Johanna grew up, she became a beautiful woman. When entered in a room young men, turned their heads to look at her. She could choose any one of them, they would have been more than please to be the one that would make her happy, but the young Wellington woman wasn't interested by them. To her life was more than finding a good man get married and become a mother. Life was full of interesting things. Why were the birds able to fly in the sky? How come the sun was shining? Why were rainbows composed of seven colors? Johanna was more interested in science than men to her parents' great despair. Science was just fascinating and interesting. She loved knowing how things worked around her.

Boy and men were idiots; they thought they knew so much, and that they could do things so much better than a girl…

**OOO**

Julia giggled when she listen to the hotel's owner. Anna looked at her wondering why the story she was telling made her new client laugh. When Dr. Ogden saw the expression on Anna's face, she hurried to explain…

"I would have loved Johanna Wellington."

"You would certainly have." William chuckled.

"Why's that?" Anna Fulford inquired.

Julia wanted to answer, but the detective was faster. "Well, Julia Ogden, here is a doctor. A medical examiner to be exact."

William's words seem to impress Anna. "Oh really?"

Julia nodded her head and smiled. "Yes."

"It must be a really interesting way of owning money."

"It is. It's not always easy, but it's really satisfying when your findings help to arrest a murderer."

"How can you find any satisfaction in the fact that you have to cut somebody open to be able to tell what has killed the person?"

The doctor eyed the detective wishing he hadn't said anything to the hotel owner. Now she would have to tell her why she loved her work and hope that her interlocutor doesn't think she's a perverted person. Her work was a man's work and everyone she knew tented to remind her so. Most of the men she knew didn't accept the fact that she had graduated with success and not a lot of women understood her choice either. Julia had always fought for her dreams. She often needed to justify herself and she wasn't planning on doing that again.

"Well, they are needed." Is all Julia Ogden could say.

The atmosphere had really cooled down between them and William slapped himself mentally. Not everyone seemed to be proud of the fact that Julia was a medical examiner. Maybe this little trip to England wasn't going to be so easy and peaceful as he thought it would be. Nothing had ever been easy in life.

They were in there room a few moments later, William thanked Anna while Julia only nodded. She couldn't help the feeling of uneasiness she started to feel toward Anna Fulford. The way she was looking at the detective… Julia forced her mind to take another train of thoughts, this wasn't what she needed right now. What she needed was to have some time alone with William Murdoch and nothing else.

Once he had closed the door, the detective turned around to look at the woman he'd fell in love with since he first laid eyes on her, but she didn't really seem to be in love with him right now or even to be happy to be here at all.

"Why did you have to tell that woman what work I did? Why didn't you let me answer her?"

William slowly walked over to her and when he was a few inches away from her, he reached out for her hands and looked at her for a moment. "I love you, Julia. I love you more than life itself. I only told her because I'm proud what you do and I want everyone to know that."

At his words, Julia's heart melted, how could she be mad at him when he said things like that to her? He always knew what to tell her apparently. Her arms snaked around his next and her lips pressed themselves against hers. In response one of his hands rested flat against the small of her back while his other hand came to rest on her hip his eye lids closing as he let himself go into the kiss.

TBC...

**Thanks for reading and no worries you'll have another part of Georgina and John Wellington story in the next chapter.**


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